You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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