i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
