tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
