i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
