i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
