I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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