I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
