You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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