it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
