Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
