he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
