Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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