so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
