I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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