I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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