College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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