there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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