I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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