So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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