hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
