clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
