Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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