my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
