she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
