I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
