I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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