I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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