he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
