Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
