dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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