You smell like a Billy Joel song
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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