There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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