At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
