I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
