It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
