I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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