11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize