all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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