I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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