You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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