if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
