He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
