i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
