this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
