Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
