Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
