it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
