i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
honey bunches of taint.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
