She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
