you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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