I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize