What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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