So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
