My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
