I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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