Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
