don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
