You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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