onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
