just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
