thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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