Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
