I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
