wat bout pragnant strippers??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
