I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
