i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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