Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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