hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
